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- Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don't..
- A mother's love is a better cure than chicken soup, but chicken soup is cheaper.
- Your mother is the only person that knows more about you than you know about yourself.
- Any time you are unable to solve a problem, ask your mother. She probably won't know either, but she will fake it.
- Maternal instinct is stronger than any force known except an IRS collection agent.
- The more you try to stay on your mother's good side the harder it will be to figure out which side this is.
- The nicer a mother is, the greater the probability that her kids are rotten.
- If you can't remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn't.
- The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
- If you forget, mom will remind you of all your mistakes so you don't repeat them.
- Anything you do can be criticized by your mother - even doing nothing.
- Never criticize your mother's cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
- If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
- You can't "out mother" your mother. Don't even try.
- Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
- The harder you try to hide something from your mother, the more she resembles a webcam.
- The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
- All mother's have a "How To" manual. That's because they wrote the book.
- Mother's way is best. If you don't believe it, ask her.
- Everything is a good idea till you mother finds out and tells you why it isn't.
- One mother is company, two is a psychic reading, three is a hen party, four is a bridge club.
- If you don't have time to study the drivers' manual, drive your mother somewhere and get a quick refresher course.
- When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
- The more expensive the gift you give your mother, the longer she will "save" it before she uses it.
- No matter how wrong you are, your mother will not hold it against you. She may remind you a number of times, but she will not hold it against you.
- No matter how much you eat, you can never get so fat that mother will not offer you more food.
- If a mother does not have an item, she will have the recipe or the directions.
- The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
- Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures are your own fault.
- Never forget who rocked you as a baby. That's something else you will never be able to repay her for.
- Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you've already done it.
- The longer it's been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
- No matter how small your mom is, she will always be bigger than you are.
- The more you detest an item that belongs to your mother, the more likely it is that she will try to give it to you.
- If you do it yourself, mom could have done it better. If mom does it, you should have done it yourself.
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